How do we Forgive and Heal?

We’ve all been shaped by the people in our lives.

Some have reflected God’s image in ways that helped us receive God’s tangible love. Their words carried life. Their presence gave stability. Through them, we caught glimpses of the Heavenly Father’s kindness.

But others have shaped us in painful ways.

Because of sin — theirs and our own — we’ve been hurt, neglected, or betrayed. These moments leave more than scars. They leave gaps. Gaps in our sense of worth. Gaps in our trust. Gaps in how we imagine God.

And when the one who wounded us was meant to reflect a part of God’s nature (i.e., the steadiness of a father, the nurture of a mother, the loyalty of a friend), the wound goes deeper. It’s not just between you and them. It touches how you see God.

This is why Jesus came. Not only to forgive sin but to restore the image of the Father in our hearts. He is the healer who bridges the gap between the wound we carry and the God we long to know.

Healing begins when we invite Jesus into those gaps and let Him restore what was lost. And, just as He taught, forgive the debts others owe us.

So let’s unpack what it means to…

• Forgive those who have failed us, releasing them from the debts they owe.

• And begin to heal, allowing God Himself to fill the empty place with His presence of love.

The 7 Steps of Healing & Forgiveness:

1. Invite the Holy Spirit
You can’t heal this wound alone. Begin by asking Him to guide, comfort, protect, and restore. This step is an act of humility. We’re admitting we can’t fix ourselves.

2. Identify Who to Forgive
Choose one relationship that seems to be causing you persistent pain. 

3. Identify Their Image-Bearing Role
Ask: What part of God’s nature were they meant to reflect? A father? A friend? A mentor? This step reframes the wound in the larger story of how God made relationships to work.

4. Identify the Wounds
List 25–35 qualities that should have been present in that role. Then circle the ones you did not receive. This is not merely a list of grievances. It’s a diagnosis. You are pinpointing what has not been properly reflected and imagined about God in your life. 

5. Forgive
Choose just one specific quality you circled to forgive. Picture yourself in a room with the Holy Spirit and that person. Imagine their offense like an employee who failed to do their job. Instead of holding them to it, you release them—you “fire” them with a “severance package” of grace and mercy. Let Jesus’ blood cover their failure, and prepare to invite Him to take their place in your heart to remedy and fulfill what was left undone. 

6. Receive Forgiveness
Ask God to show you the ways you’ve tried to fill this void apart from Him: the false comforts, idols, or coping mechanisms. Confess them. Receive His forgiveness.

7. Receive God’s Healing Presence
Ask the Holy Spirit to completely fill the empty job description. Search Scripture to see how Jesus Himself embodies the missing quality. If you lack comfort, meditate on verses about God as Comforter. If you lack guidance, meditate on His wisdom. The goal is not just to know He provides these things, but to experience His presence filling that very place where the lack and the wound once ruled.

One cycle at a time

All seven steps are what we will call a “healing cycle.” You may have many wounds on your list. Take them one at a time to embrace healing.

Some will release easily; others will feel stubborn. Don’t rush. Forgiveness and healing are both choices and processes. The Holy Spirit will walk with you through each one, slowly replacing the imprint of pain with the reality of His presence.